The Sun Is a Monster (Or, Three Van Sewing Projects)

Summer in Colorado. Mostly sunny or sunny every day. The sun’s intensity amplified by our high altitude’s thin atmosphere. I hear this is some people’s idyll, but it’s certainly not mine. Give me an icy river to forge, numb toes, beer cooling in snow. Right now, I’d even take the spring hailstorm I encountered in a supermarket parking lot last year, the floodwater rising up my car door, my recently purchased frozen peas melting in the backseat. At least that was exciting. But this—my scaley, reptilian lips, my one red shin, my beheaded aloe vera plant—these are just garden-variety consequences of careless sunblock application, my lips worsened by my bad habit of licking them in direct sun. If my van were ready, I’d leave this Colorado summer in a second. Continue reading “The Sun Is a Monster (Or, Three Van Sewing Projects)”

What Really Happened (Featuring Panicked Spider, Corrupted Child, Hiccuping Man, and Villain on the Run!)

The other day I began my van conversion in earnest by making a 14” square hole in the roof. But before I condense eight hours of work into five captioned images in my next post, I’d like to issue a disclaimer: The process of building this van feels nothing like looking at my before and after pictures. So far, not one part of this project has been quick or straightforward, and I don’t expect that to change going forward. Reading blogs and Instagram posts about #vanlife is like watching Rachel Ray make a 30-minute meal at a kitchen island conveniently stocked with clean pots, washed greens, and pre-cut pats of butter. Actually converting a van is like spending 30 minutes mincing onions while wearing swim goggles to prevent tearing up, then crying anyway as you write a note to your roommates to please wash your fucking dishes within 12 hours of use xoxoxoxo

Let’s return to these two before-and-after photos (and two more later on) to get a sense of what really happened. Continue reading “What Really Happened (Featuring Panicked Spider, Corrupted Child, Hiccuping Man, and Villain on the Run!)”

What is She Building Anyway?

As I started sharing this blog with people (or thinking of sharing it with people; I don’t like the thought of other people reading my stuff; I am aware that this does not contribute to my financial well-being as a writer), I realized that not all of you live in Colorado, where I pass at least two homebuilt camper vans on my mile-long journey to the grocery store. Here’s what I mean when I say I’m building a camper van. Continue reading “What is She Building Anyway?”